rebel without a cause.

When I was in New Orleans over Spring Break we had devotionals a few of the mornings from a student at the seminary where we were staying and he talked out of Matthew 9 & 10 every time. The primary realization/conviction I took away from the messages was from 9:37, a verse I'm sure most have heard a few times,

Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few."

Whenever I read this verse before I always applied it to my life as, okay you need to be telling people about Christ, period. It was always convicting and now even more so. I was completely ignoring the first part of the verse and only looking at the part that applied to me. Jesus is not saying in this verse, "Not enough people are proclaiming me so get over yourself and just do it." as I had always thought. This verse is saying that not only are you called to tell people about Christ (we should all desire that anyway if we really love people the way that we say we do, do we really care about where people are spending eternity? I would hope so.) but that there are plenty (an entire ready harvest) of people who are completely ready to receive Christ all you have to do is share! It's not just about me not doing what I'm supposed to, it's saying that Christ has already prepared the way! He's not sending us out into a fallow field and telling us to pick a bounty of wheat, He's showing us the abundant bounty and saying, "Just go get it!" Meanwhile I'm just standing at the edge of the field equipped with my wheat-picking sack, just staring at all the wheat.

I really wish I would get over myself and just start sharing. Writing this makes me feel disgusting.

However I am glad that I am still being convicted of this all the time, maybe one day I will finally quit being rebellious in this area and I can allow the Lord to refine me in others. blah.